How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
