thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize