wrigley field is MILF paradise
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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