im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
