i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
