I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
