i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize