She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
