Please, let me fuck your mom
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
