john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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