sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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