Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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