Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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