I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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