you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
