Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
