Umm I'm too high to move.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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