I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
