so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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