yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
farters have to be the big spoon...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
