so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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