New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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