i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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