I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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