Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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