Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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