Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
