well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
