Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry about my life...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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