So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
