i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
