So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
