I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
