hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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