Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there's paper in my vomit.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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