he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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