At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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