no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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