I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
