Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize