it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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