Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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