Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
