just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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