how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
