Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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