I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
