Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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