i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's blow job season.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize