Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
