They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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