He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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