Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
