He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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