She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
