I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
