genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
