I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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