Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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