i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
