i would punch a child for taco bell
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
