these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
