Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
