I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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